


bit tongues and bitter tongues

by parislou



Category: One Direction
Genre: Fluffy, M/M, Mute Harry, Teenagers, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:42:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1563362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parislou/pseuds/parislou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a short au oneshot in which harry is all louis knows and harry just can't fucking find the words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bit tongues and bitter tongues

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first finished fanfiction ever but larry is all i breathe so that's ok and i wrote this on a 10 hour plane flight from tokyo to los angeles while i was on my period so. so my grammar is bad and this is full of mistakes and i know it's absolute shit and i'll probably never read it again but this is how i think and now it's in words and. fuck. so feedback would be lovely and i love you x

louis couldn't remember a time before harry. he knows there was one, a long while ago, that lasted nearly two years, but louis doesn't think he actually started living until the day when anne, who lived in the house beside louis and his mother's, brought a tiny bundle of baby and blue into her home and louis' life. since louis, a measly toddler, had yet to recognise the importance of his new neighbour's presence, it was johanna's job to describe the time louis and harry first met (seeing as it was the moment her son's life changed dramatically). jay often said it was love at first sight: louis had been sitting on the porch of their two story family-style house when the car had arrived, and he had taken an odd interest in the baby (she claimed it was odd since louis had always found it difficult to concentrate on just one single thing). now, at age 10, and far too old to believe in such silly things as "fate" and "soulmates", louis simply laughs whenever his mother says such nonsense, but, though he'd never admit it to anyone but harry, he kind of does believe her. he knows that he and harry were meant to meet. he guesses he's known for as long as he can remember. if he strains his memory, he thinks he can vaguely picture a younger, smaller version of himself, perhaps five or six years of age, whispering the exact words in harry's ear sometime during the late hours of summer darkness. they had decided to spend the night in harry's room, since gemma was at summer camp while both charlotte and felicite had chosen to remain home. louis had just sneaked out of his pile of blankets on the floor and under harry's warm duvet a few moments prior, concealed by the secrecy of the pale light of the moon that traipsed in through the windows and designed an intricate pattern of silhouettes and profiles on the carpeted floor. both anne and jay, and to be honest, everyone else in both houses, were aware of the sleeping arrangement tendencies the boys shared every night, but the two children still waited until everyone else was fast asleep before snuggling together. after louis had stated his thoughts, they had snuggled, and had slept together in as innocent a way as one can interpret from the phrase.

louis knows they were meant to be together because of harry's condition. that was the word the adults used for it, but louis hates it. "condition" creates the stupid illusion that harry is different and weird, and maybe even a freak, but louis knows better. he calls it harry's preference, and he knows that technically it isn't one, since harry can't control it, but it still sounds much nicer and under control than clinically correct or scientifically compliant terms. it's harry's preference, and louis knows that harry likes louis to call it that. see, the thing is, harry can't speak. he's tried and he's attempted, louis knows because harry told him (nonverbally, of course), and in all 8 long years of his life, he has never uttered a single word. it used to bother anne, but she's grown accustomed to it and louis thinks it's beautiful. actually, louis thinks harry's beautiful, but since this nonspeaking thing is a part of harry, louis loves it too. maybe not love, since louis knows that sounds like a weird word to use to describe another boy, but he does appreciate it. ok, to be perfectly honest, louis maybe kind of definitely does love harry. or, harry's preference. or, harry and everything harry. he loves the way harry's eyes get when they connect with louis', he loves the smirk that spreads itself across harry's lips when louis makes a fool out of himself, and he loves the way harry's hair flops onto his forehead when he falls asleep on louis' chest. he's kind of maybe definitely head over heels for the dork, and he knows that technically harry's never agreed, but he know that harry unconsciously feels the same. see, he knows harry. not like how anne knows harry, or how dr. tatem, harry's therapist, knows harry. louis actually knows harry. he knows the exact shade of greenish golden harry's eyes turn in the summer, knows the pale of his skin in the winter, hell, louis even knows the placement of the freckle on harry's cheek, right next to one of his stupidly adorable dimples. anne knows harry in a way where she can guess what ice cream flavour he wants and get it right 99% of the time. she knows his favourite colour, his facial expressions, and how much he hates math. dr. tatem knows harry where he can guess how he's feeling just from the "vibe" he gives off (louis thinks it sounds kinda weird, but he knows that harry likes dr. tatem and he also knows that he likes whoever harry likes). sometimes, dr. tatem knows harry well enough to let louis join the sessions they have, because that's what harry needs. but louis, louis knows harry in a completely different way. he knows exactly what harry's thinking all of the time, and he knows when harry needs words of encouragement and when he needs silence. he knows harry's favourite song, his favourite sound, his favourite person (louis, obviously), and even his favourite day of the week. louis knows harry better than harry knows himself, and vice versa. so, when louis sometimes maybe definitely admits that louisandharry are meant to be, harry knows he means it. and louis knows that harry agrees. 

time has a peculiar way of drifting aimlessly for a while, and then speeding by, and louis shares that with harry one night in the winter. louis is 15 and harry is 13, and they're snuggling in louis' bed after a shitty day of school. it had started with a few jokes and jabs from aiden grimshaw, a stupid stupid 16 year old idiot who knew perfectly well why harry "wasn't answering" his stupid stupid rude moronic questions about his "banging hot" sister, gems. after harry had nearly burst into tears, louis had taken it upon himself to beat the living shit out of aiden, which had resulted in a rather bloody fight that eventually included the vast majority of louis and harry's friends (zayn, a dweeb of an artist who smoked his lungs black and snogged his boyfriend in the janitor's closet, liam, the boyfriend of zayn and a surprisingly tough dude whose innocently wide eyes and constantly worried eyebrows barely even compared with his ripped abs, niall, an irish transfer who drank himself into oblivion every single day only to awaken as sober as a nun, ed, a ginger whose poetry rivalled that of emily dickinson, perrie, a pastel haired girl who could seriously kick ass, and danielle, a frizzy brunette who was known for her legendary dance talent). the rivalry consisted of dumbasses known as aiden's friends. these were mostly cher, a slightly intimidating chick who was famous around town for stealing cigs and throwing raging parties, rebecca, who had so much sex that even louis was secretly jealous, nick, who shared aiden's last name and hated louis' guts, taylor, a somewhat ditzy blonde who kept it in her pants but was known for stripping when drunk, alexa, who modelled in her free time and whose dad was filthy wealthy, and stanley, who louis actually quite admired for his straightup attitude and access to liquor. all in all, it was a pretty fair fight, and the worst damage done was a ripped piercing (zayn's), a nearly fractured arm (cher's), a few cuts and scratches (all of them except harry, who louis defended like a fucking gladiator), and a nasty blackeye (louis'), courtesy of nick. after the fight had been won (by louis, obviously) lou and haz had gone home to celebrate with a rerun of a friends episode and a sneakily stolen frozen meatloaf (for louis' eye, definitely not for eating, since apparently his family couldn't afford to keep a spare steak in stock). jay has yet to return home from her job at the hospital, so louis decides to spend the evening doing his best to keep harry from feeling sad, which basically means eating a shit ton of ice cream, listening to music, imitating celebrities, and rhyming stupid words with dimples (pimples, shrimples {which louis knows isn't a food but fuck it}, and the suggested quimples, which results in a suspiciously dubious look from harry and an hour long search for a dictionary so louis can reclaim his title as top bitch, which subsequently ends when they discover lottie's diary and spend the rest of the time snooping). so in jay's mind when she comes home at 3 am to a livid lottie, a tired felicite, two sleeping twins, and harryandlouis galloping around the house chased by lottie, who is carrying a thick book and a half frozen slab of meat (?), she definitely does not consider it a great day, but it's enough. it's enough to keep a smile on harry's face and louis' laugh in the air. and that's enough. because lottie isn't really furious, and the meatloaf wasn't really important, and maybe harry didn't suddenly break his silence, but that's ok. it's fine. because if louis doesn't need harry to talk, and if harry can't, then it doesn't matter. they have each other. and jay knows, anne knows, hell, even dr. tatem, who only sees harry once every two weeks now, they all know. they know that louis is all harry needs, and harry is all louis needs. and if they don't need voices, then it's nobody's goddamn right to comment on it. 

louis doesn't know why harry deals with him. harry is just about the best fucking person louis will ever meet, and louis is just so... not. louis laughs too loud and talks too much and sometimes he forgets where he is when he's with harry. and he knows that harry doesn't mind, because why would he? because harry is the best louis will ever know. and, well. louis just feels like he isn't good enough for harry. he knows that harry would disagree if he knew, but thats how louis feels and he can't help it because he kind of knows it's true in a twisted kind of way. louis is 18, and. he's always thought that he loved harry and harry loved him and that was that. but just. but just what if harry didn't feel exactly the same way? what if louis is stupidly in love with harry and he doesn't even know? what if harry is 100% heterosexual and louis is just a dolt? what if. what if. what if louis loses harry? what if he never had harry to begin with, just assumed that harry was his? what if louis is an absolute idiot. he doesn't come close to deserving harry, and what if harry wants better? well. louis doesn't quite know what to do. he knows that harry would never tell him to get lost. harry is too nice and louis is too naive. maybe louis should begin looking for a parachute. someone to help him up when harry breaks his heart. someone to sew back the broken pieces of his shattered self. a landing matt. louis thinks that makes sense. but. just, who? usually louis would ask harry's opinion, but he can't really do that now. to be honest, louis doesn't really care who it is, as long as they're nearly half as good as harry, but he can't really control that. so. 

so that's how louis finds himself, at 3:45 on a friday afternoon, typing stanley lucas' address into his phone and creating an extra reminder for their date. it's a mid evening plan, some shitty drive in movie about teenage angst and stupid kids. harry would probably love the romance, but louis has to remind himself that harry isn't going to be there. this isn't about harry. not really. this is about not being about harry. and, louis thinks to himself as he smiles half heartedly in stan's direction and swivels his hips in a sort of swinging walk toward the direction of his house, and maybe everything is really ok.

everything is really ok until it isn't. that's the only thought that races through harry's 16 year old mind. everything has been fucking fine, lovely really, but harry isn't. he fucking is. not. ok. he's sitting on the roof of his room like a character in some fucking teen movie and he's not ok. if he was ok then louis would be there, and they would be cuddling like usual. because that's all harry really needs, and it used to be all louis needed. until. well, until fucking now. when it isn't ok. actually, the more harry thinks about it, the more fine and ok it seems. yeah, louis' at a fucking drive-in cinema movie with shithead stanley lucas, who, by the way, is a fucking dick. and who is also very gay and very out. and, according to jade thirwall, who was in class with him third period, has been bragging the whole day about the number of condoms in his knapsack. so yeah, it's ok that louis isn't fucking answering any of harry's texts. and that louis is two years older than harry and one year younger than stanley. and that stanley and louis are probably making out in the back of louis' shitty truck right now, which is, in fact, the exact same pickup that harry has spent every evening in since louis learned how to drive. so that's fine. and harry's fucking fine, thank you very much. he totally knew that he and louis were always just friends. that louis probably thinks harry's fucking straight (which he very well is not, just for the record). it's ok that harry will never even be able to ever compare with stanley fucking lucas, because stan is popular and harry is a freak and stan fucks people on a regular basis and harry hasn't even kissed anyone properly (not even louis, because apparently their kisses were 1000% platonic), and stan is eloquent and harry can't even fucking speak. so. that's ok. it's ok that harry feels like he swallowed a stone and it's rolling around his intestines and knotting his stomach as tightly as the knots in the tree that stretches across the moonlit roof panel toward harry's breaking heart. it's ok. it's perfect, actually. harry feels perfect, if that means shitty and stupid and fucked up. harry feels like he's gonna be sick. if he's quiet enough, he can hear the silence. that's never happened before. even at night, louis is always right beside him, breathing loudly and giggling to himself, or whispering to harry or even singing or humming or. or just being there. not silent. but right now harry's alone and louis is probably off fucking stan and. and that's fucking fine. harry isn't hurt, no, because he should have seen it coming. so, it's his fault really. it's his problem that he fell in love with the most beautiful and perfect boy in the entire world and couldn't even find the words to tell him. couldn't even fucking tell him if he found the right words, since his fucking "condition" was ruining his life. and his life had only ever been louis. so now louis' gone, and his life's gone, and it's fucking freezing out on the roof but harry can't find it in himself to care. he's a melodramatic dolt. he's a dork. but he's always been louis' dork, and now. now he's nobody's. and that hurts. even louis hurt him without trying to, just because he couldn't read harry like they always thought. so it definitely isn't louis' fault, because louis is perfect and beautiful and harry loves him so much that he has to let him go. louis isn't here and harry only wants him to be happy, so if being with stan will make louis happy then. well, harry can deal with that. maybe he really can't, but he's going to, even if it kills him. because that's what love is. and harry loves louis. 

but. 

but suddenly louis' here. and he's crawling through harry's bedroom window, and he's wearing a sweater that once belonged to harry but somehow found it's way into louis' closet. 

"hey haz," louis breathes, settling next to him with his knees against his chest. and. and it's just. it's just that harry really loves louis right now. like, so much, he feels like there's a fire in his chest and it needs fanning and he's forgetting to breath because. because louis has that affect on harry. and he always has. so harry remembers how to breath and remembers to look away because it's not socially acceptable to stare just because someone is so. beautiful. and perfect. and possibly a gift to the world. and here. and alive. so. so harry looks away but he can see louis turn to him out of his peripheral vision. and he doesn't mind. he has so many "i love you"s and "what"s and "how are you here"s and "are you even real"s and "i love you more than i'll ever love myself"s running through his mind that he can't even bring himself to think of just one. but that's ok. because louis always knows what he wants to ask. 

"stan's a wanker. he just wanted in my pants. tried to fuck me in the truck." louis' voice cracks at the last word. and. like. that gets harry's attention. not just the words, but louis. because voice cracks mean sad louis. and sad louis means tears in harry's eyes and. and harry doesnt ever want louis to feel sad. so he turns. 

"didn't let 'im. he's a prick. god." louis isn't looking at harry, but harry knows louis wants him to hear his thoughts. harry moves closer to louis, because he's never been able to deal with space between them. and louis breaks then. he's crying and sniffling and his snot's all over harry's band shirt but. but louis got him the shirt. and that's ok. because harry has his arms wrapped entirely around louis, and louis' head is in harry's lap now, and they're cradling each other so close that harry's heart feels like a firework, and he's exploding with. with love. and happiness. he's not happy that louis had a bad date, per se. he just. he just knows stan isn't the one. and louis is going to see it, eventually. 

"am i just a fucking idiot? i'm 18 years old, i've never been on an ok date, i'm gay, i kind of hate boys, you're my only real friend, i'm a shit student, i don't even fucking know what i want to do with myself or my life, i let myself fall in love with my best fucking friend, i hate myself so much right now, people only talk to me if they want to fuck me, and i just blew all my money on a shitty bottle of wine for a stupid boy. i'm so fucking stupid, aren't i?" harry's still. he's never been this rigid. because whAT. WHAT. WHAT. harry cranes his neck to look at louis now, but he still refuses to make eye contact. louis has gone completely still, and harry can feel louis' heart beating fast against harry's thigh. after what feels like a lifetime, louis finally answers without looking up. 

"oh god. oh my fucking god. holy shit. im so so sorry oh-" suddenly louis' gone. he's standing up and staring at harry with the biggest, teariest eyes harry has ever seen, and the look of horror, terror, and fear in his eyes is breaking harry's heart. louis looks terrified, and harry doesn't know how to let him know that harry isn't going to hurt him. because. because harry loves louis so so much. and louis loves harry? and. and maybe harry is ok. but then louis is turning around, and he's facing the huge willow tree that hugs each of their houses, and he's fucking shimmying down it's trunk in an effort to get away from harry. and if harry didn't already feel broken, he can feel it happening again. because louis just said that he's in love with him. and that is all harry needs. and suddenly harry realises that he's letting louis go. in a split second, he's standing in the spot where louis had stood, and he peers over the roof's edge. he can see louis' back, running toward his truck. and louis' leaving again. 

"lou" harry says. he's running now, jumping down from the roof without a care, landing on his feet, and chasing after louis. except, he doesn't have to. because louis' entire still. he's standing beside his car, staring at harry. and oh. OH. 

"what" the look of fear has been replaced by an unreadable expression, and harry just stares at him. he's stopped running, and he's about six inches away from louis. if he stood on his toes, he could capture louis' lips in his own. so he does. louis tasted a little like winter and a lot like booze but. but also a little like must and man and boy and cinnamon and. and something that smells like childhood. something that's only louis'. and that's all harry needs. he kisses louis so hard that his lips are going numb but he's been waiting sixteen fucking years for this moment so. that's ok. and louis' kissing him back, and suddenly louis' tongue is tangled with his own and he feels arms circle around his still damp shirt and he hugs louis as close as he can because. because he can. because he loves louis, and louis loves harry, and. and that's perfect. eventually, louis pulls away to catch his breath. 

"wait, did you just- wha- did you just- my name-" louis is panting and there's a little bit of saliva on his bottom lip that may be harry's and they're both out of breath and harry just. like, he's just so fucking happy.

"lou" harry confirms. and he's doing it. his mouth is moving and. and he isn't making the sound right, it sounds different, he knows because he's heard so many people say the same sound before. but it's there. his voice sounds deep and rough and emotional but. but harry loves it. the single syllable hangs in the air between them, before louis is smiling and they're kissing again. and it's wonderful. 

later that night, when they're tucked in harry's bed together and they're still kissing and snuggling, harry can't make the sound again but. but that's ok. because he made it twice. and because louis' there. and when louis whispers in his ear "how?" harry looks him in the eye. and they both know. 

"because i needed to. because i love you. because we're louisandharry. because i would do anything for you."

**Author's Note:**

> hi ok so i know that it isn't even possible for the events in this fic to occur, but it seemed romantic in my head and in case it was hard to understand, harry didn't actually say anything, he made a sound that wasn't quite talking but was audible enough to be distinguished as a name. ok im done now thank you for reading if anyone did haha i love you x


End file.
